A Progressing Pregnancy: Journey into Becoming a Mom of 3!

Adventures of a mama who has miscarried…3 times. Why so many strips/tests? PROGRESSION! Why so many in one day? It’s all about the science behind it! Knowing when and what time your body double/triples in hCG. This is a sign of a progressing pregnancy. At the top we started on 7/28 and towards the bottom we landed at today 8/6 (which looks like a double/triple from last night because the line is much darker). The strip right above it was 12 hours ago. So while I was sleeping (or trying to with a sick 10-month-old), this baby was growing. Usually this is tracked by a blood test as well (which I’m also doing). I am scheduled tomorrow for my third re-check. But it’s much more mind easing when I can also track it at home. When Amazon sells packs of 50-100 pregnancy tests, do you ever wonder “why so many? Who will actually use all those?!” People like me. People who’ve experienced loss. People who can’t rest until they know baby is safe and thriving as he/she should. I’m not crazy, I’m just in tune! Besides, it saves me the $35 co-pay and the trip to the doctors all the while hauling my kids there. Peace of mind y’all. It puts my anxiety in check. That’s what this is about. You won’t understand, unless you’ve experienced loss yourself. I’m happy to share my journey into motherhood with y’all for the third time.

Let’s do this!

 

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When a Woman Knows Her Body

It’s May 4, 2015. I’ve been desperately hoping I would fall pregnant this month. However, when I left for work last Friday, (after being 5 days late), I started my period. Or at least I thought. I wiped and there was blood. Not a lot. But enough to make me look at it with disbelief, yet once again, for the 6th month straight. I’d throw it in the toilet and cry as I’d call Bobby to express my sorrow of yet another month with no luck of hitting that positive.

I drove to work crying. Which isn’t anything out of the ordinary lately. I cried the past few days on my way to work. I cried because I wasn’t feeling well. I cried because Bobby told me he’s only coming home for a week. And I cried because we had no one to watch Josie. And then I cried because I was tired. So so tired. It’s really hard working nights when you don’t get the chance to sleep before you go into work. And I have to stay up 24 hours straight. After all of this stress…why would I be pregnant? And why the hell was I so emotional? I hate crying.

Let’s backtrack…on May 3rd, I got out of the shower and looked at my breasts. Which I do all day long, every 4 hours, because I pump them to feed my kid. But this time, I SWEAR, they looked different! I usually rub nipple balm on those poor ripped up, bleeding, crusted over nipples, as I desperately plead to God to PLEASE make my daughter start eating solids! I am SO over this! I took a picture of my breasts (what’s a girl to do?) and sent it to my husband. I said: “do they look different to you?!” and he replied: “I don’t know, do they look different to you?” I think what he really wanted to say was: “How am I supposed to know? You haven’t let me touch them in over two years.” True. I haven’t. They hurt like hell when I was pregnant (and would leak at any given stimulus), they hurt like hell when I was postpartum, newly breastfeeding our daughter and now they bleed, crack and ache every single day of my pumping miserable routine. Not to mention they aren’t very pretty. Why would he WANT to look or touch them? I shouldn’t say that. I am grateful to be able to provide to my 1-year-old daughter. God has been good to me.

So that next day, I started my period.

After being at work a few hours, the bleeding stopped. This sometimes happens but usually follows with you know, Aunt FLOW within hours. Well, 12 hours came and gone and it was time for me to head home. I went home, went to sleep and woke up to nothing, still. Dry. My only thought after countless negative pregnancies tests, is that there is something wrong with me. My schedule is off, I’ve been sick, nights are stressful on my body, I’m stressed out because my husband is not home, etc (all of what I listed above). I had planned on spending the day looking up OBGYNs and getting myself in there for my PAP and to see if I even ovulate anymore. Considering all my failed attempts at getting pregnant month to month. So here it was, May 4th, 2015, and I was going to the bathroom. I happened to glance over at a Dollar Tree pregnancy tests and I thought “what the hell!” so I opened it up and did the little pee in a cup and pull it up in that silly plastic plunger thingy and dopped three drops of urine then set it down and forgot about it as I proceded to do my business on the toilet and consume myself into my phone of the lastest newsfeed on my Facebook. I looked down on the floor (where I had set the test) and thought “oh, let me just look at this. I forgot!”

…there were two lines. One control and one saying that I was pregnant.

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Very faint…but it’s there!

This cannot be for real.

I thought I?…

But there was blood…

And I’ve been emotional…and craving chocolate…

Wait! What?!

So I waited about 3 seconds before I sent the picture off to Bobby where he asked how dark the line should be. A line is a line. Pregnant means pregnant. Now the question was…do I trust THIS Dollar Tree test? Embarrassingly enough, I happened to pee through all my other good expensive pregnancy tests within the past week. I did have one digital pregnancy test left and a few Wondfo’s from Amazon that I had ordered with my Ovulation Test Strips. I decided to do both. The Wondfo showed the same faint line of a possible positive and the digital screamed a big fat “not pregnant”. My urine was diluted though at this point. It was mid afternoon…not first morning pee.

So I went on with my day, packed up Josie and went to the grocery store. I picked up the same tests I took when I found out I was pregnant with her. EPT, Clearblue with the + signs and Clearblue digital.

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Don’t judge. I wanted one for everyday if I had to. Something was going on! I’m a woman who’s trying to get pregnant for crying out loud. I waited until late afternoon and took my time to use the EPT test. After dipping it in my urine, within seconds the moment I’ve been waiting for…

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…a big fat + sign! = PREGNANT!

Oh.my.gosh.

I just sat there in disbelief on the bathroom floor as tears filled my eyes. “God, are you serious? I just said when I started my period a few days ago, that you hated me!” “Oh God, I’m so sorry for saying that. Oh God…is this real?”

…I texted Bobby: “I just took the same test that I took when I found out I was pregnant with Josie…” “We’re PREGNANT!”

Again, as with the last pregnancy, Bobby had to be Facetimed in order to see the positive result. It’s ironic how we weren’t together both times we found out I was pregnant.

I have yet to meet with any OBGYN. I do have an appointment coming up though. Hopefully I really like her. But who knows, I may not even give birth here in Michigan. We may be gone by then (we hope).

UPDATE:

May 5th, 2015:

I woke up at 2:30 this morning in agonizing nausea. Yeah, it made me worry. Is the nausea starting early in this pregnancy? Last time it came around 7-8 week mark. I guess it’s true when they say every pregnancy is different.

I took another pregnancy test today. You know…just to make sure it was still there. Don’t judge.

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Yup…still there.

We’re over the moon!

After the digital, I began to cry. It hit me. I cannot believe it…I’m PREGNANT!

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First Trimester Recap

FirstTrimester

Everyone has their own idea of when the Second Trimester starts.  There is stipulation whether it is 13 weeks or 14 weeks.  Even some books or applications I use say 15 weeks!  Well, my nursing books tell me that the Second Trimester begins at 13 weeks.  Therefore, I’m taking their word for it.  Above is a collection of the past 12 weeks of photos (obviously missing week 1-3) since I didn’t know I was pregnant.  I could put in there a nice photo of me having a jell-o shot up in Caseville, Michigan at the Cheeseburger Festival (when I had no idea BS was making his/her home), but I won’t do that.  It doesn’t seem quite right does it?

Most Exciting Moment…

A positive pregnancy test was by far the most exciting (obviously).  But then again, I think the adrenalin rush came when I heard the heartbeat and it really made it real.  More than the positive test, more than the first ultrasound, this is when pregnancy really became real to me and to us.  The second ultrasound was the best though, because we were in the clear and BS had a healthy heartbeat.  Thank the good Lord.

Most Challenging Moment…

The feeling of having to wait a week in hopes that BS’s little heartbeat increased from the week before, after taking progesterone suppositories.  That was hard.  Symptom wise?  Well, I would say the constipation.  I hate it.  Also, my energy.  I may have more energy than the first trimester (now that I’m in the second trimester), but I’m still tired.

One Thing I’m Proud Of…

My husband.  He’s going to be the best father in the world.  And I really truly mean that from the bottom of my heart.  He shows his love in so many MORE ways since I’ve been pregnant.  And I honestly didn’t think that was possible for him (to be MORE loving) since I feel like he’s the most honest, patient, kind, loving, compassionate, romantic man I’ve ever, ever had the blessing of meeting.  Oh…and I’m quite proud of myself, (if I may add), that I found a job after looking for just a week!

One Thing I Wish Were Different…

My acne.  My skin is awful.  I didn’t want to leave the house from week 6-10…and I didn’t either.  Which led me off my exercise routine.  And kept me harbored inside, which is not good for the soul.

Favorite Food…

Scrambled eggs.  I’m only saying that because every week I wanted something different (chips and dip, cheese, pickles, etc.), but eggs were something that remained the same throughout.  Bobby makes the best eggs on the planet.  I have never made them once.  He made them for me whenever I wanted them.  Bless his heart.  Did I mention how lucky I was?

Least Favorite Food…

Veggies in the beginning weeks (bummer!), then processed foods and sweets.  Chocolate and coffee were bothersome quite a few weeks in a row as well.

My Physical State Included…

Painful breasts, nausea that would come and go, peeing A LOT!  Not much sleep, sweating a LOT at night to the point I woke up in puddles of sweat.  Yuck!  Zero energy at first but it slowly came back to a reasonable amount.  I’m constantly constipated.  Worst symptom ever.  Biggest pain in the you-know-what symptom:  Constipation!

Symptoms I [Thankfully] Didn’t Have…

Continuous vomiting.  I was lucky I only got sick once…and it was the first week of my second trimester, so I’m not sure if that even applies here.

One Thing That Surprised Me…

How my body was exact in the “things to expect” from “What to Expect” emails.  Every single week they talked about a topic of what to expect your body to be doing/changing and a day prior (without fail)  I would mention that symptom to Bobby.  It was ironic.  Pretty neat how they have the science of pregnancy down to a tee.

Looking Forward To…

Feeling kicks and movements regularly, finding out the sex, buying baby stuff, a bigger bump and Christmas-time.