Whoa! Where has the time gone? Being a stay at home mom is rough, ya’ll. I remember in my juvenile days saying “I hope to be a SAHM one day.” YIKES! What was I thinking? I love my kids, don’t get me wrong, but this job is tough! It’s not easy. Every day is go, go, go! Every day is about them. Every day is a repeat of the day before with a few more or a few less tantrums, poopy diapers and less or more sleep. Being a stay at home mom is no luxury. It’s literally the hardest job on the planet. I love my career and I love what I do. I love being a mommy to the two most beautiful girls in the world. But I miss working. Oh how I miss working. I miss taking care of people. Talking to people. Getting to know people. Giving my heart to people. I’m a nurse and always will be. Being a nurse isn’t easy either…but it’s so rewarding. Just like motherhood. Two of the hardest jobs that can fill your heart so immensely. But for now I will give my heart fully to these two beautiful girls. One day, I will walk out of this house and head to work and cry my eyes out because I miss these days. Sometimes when you’re so overworked and so overtired, it’s so hard to enjoy the “now”. Enjoy the “moment”. Enjoy that “nightly feeding”. I try to remind myself, looking back at how quickly Josie has grown, that time flies by so quickly. It has no limits. It doesn’t stop for anyone. You really do have to enjoy it as it comes. And goes. Josie is growing so fast. She’s incredibly smart and advanced for her age. I can only hope that we can provide Juliette with the same knowledge and the exploding personality like Josie has. Take a look at these cuties…
Oh Juliette. You’ve grown into a breast milk junkie. You’ve managed to take the bottle like a pro and attach back to the breast even if it’s been a week since you last breastfed. Our deep freezer is full to the top. I am a milk machine! You sleep through the night most nights. Whatttt? Your sister slept through the night starting at 8 weeks. How lucky were we? But you, my dear sweet girl, you needed more time. But even so, you’re doing it now and you, just like Josie, love love love your sleep! You love to sleep in your Rock n Play. You love the feeling of your legs pulled close to your body. Even laying on the couch you love it when I push those skinny little legs to your chest. You grunt and coo and smile. You’re unique, little one. You have a round face but soft eyes. I can’t really explain what I mean by the soft eyes but you just melt my heart when you give me that half-smiled grin. You interact with us so well. You follow me as I move from one side of the room to another. And when I leave you alone after talking to you, you beg for me to come back. You know when you have been left alone and you hate it. You love being held. You love being rocked. You love having someone, anyone, just talking to you. When your sister comes near you always search for her face. You smile, and coo and I know that’s sisterly love. I can’t wait to watch you two grow up loving each other. You two adore one another. Josie loves to hug you (“baby hugs”) and she loves to kiss you (“baby kiss”). You two are lucky to have each other. And you will realize that one day.
I love how you put your fist under your chin when I’m holding you until you fall asleep. Or when you pass out from being milk drunk and refuse to burp but as soon as we lay you down you wake up to burp. You’re such an easy going baby. And I just can’t say it enough but you’re just such a sweetheart.
I cannot wait to watch you grow and grow over the next few months and watch your little personality come out.
You will have your first Christmas soon, but you have no idea how important this holiday is to your family. We love it. Everything about it. And cannot wait to make traditions as a family. I love you little one. You are precious and unique. You are my rainbow baby. So often when I’m tired, starving and unshowered or just plain stressed out from your sister. I need to remind myself that I prayed hard and long for you. I hoped, wished and dreamed of you. You are my rainbow after the storm (many storms). I regret some days that your older sister takes all the energy and life out of me, so by the end of the night I’m not able to give you my all. I only give you the least of me some days. That hurts me. Because I want you to know my love for you goes deeper. But some nights I’m so exhausted that I cry myself to sleep. The day was hard. Potty training was exhausting. 5 temper tantrums from your sister has sucked every ounce of my being. That putting my head on that pillow then hearing your cry, breaks me. I wish there was more of me to spread out. More of me to dip into when most of me is consumed and used up. I wish I could plug myself in a recharge after a stressful day and give you my all after your sister goes to bed. These are the days I will miss. The days that are flying right past us. The days that I so often, sadly, wish away because of pure and utter exhaustion.
Being a mom is hard. But it’s the best job. It feels so good but hurts so bad. I can’t explain the feeling but it’s the reason for living. I love it. Everything about it.
We’re getting ready for Christmas over here. It’s the best time of the year. We decorated the entire house. Maybe next year we will decorate outside more. I love the ambiance of the Christmas lights throughout our home. One day you’ll realize how important this holiday is to our family. We cannot wait to spoil you two girls.