It’s All Okay

Note From BobbyI came home from work to this note on my nightstand.  I am so lucky.

My father-in-law is here!  But I just call him “Dad”.  Bobby left to go offshore last night and is just making it out to the ocean this morning.  I miss him a ton already.  Of course the worrier in me is worried about him out there for the next two-three weeks.  I worry about things like:  What will he eat? Will he be safe?  Where will he sleep?  Will he be comfortable?  Can I call him, e-mail him or text him?  Will he even get phone service out there?  I don’t know.  I know BS doesn’t need all this unnecessary worry either so we brought Dad here to keep me company (and of course stay longer so he will see Bobby when he returns and go with us to find out the gender of our little one).  He is going to change the kitty litter box for me daily, because I cannot touch it.  As well as keep me company so I’m not in this big house alone everyday and night.  He’s good company.  Easy.  Self-sufficient and fun to talk with. I love my father-in-law and luckily I was blessed with a good one.  It’s where Bobby gets all of his good qualities.  Since I basically do not have a Dad (well, one that cares about anything but himself, that is), Tom makes up for it all.  It’s great how much he cares about his grandchild and asks questions all the time.  He’s excited and it shows.  And that means so much to both Bobby and I.  Especially, since my Dad hasn’t contacted me in over 14 weeks.  Shocking, right?  My Dad could care less about this baby, my pregnancy, me, my life and how I’m doing.  It’s all about him and always will be.  But, alas, I’ve come to terms with that.  He still feels the need to text me nasty random texts all about “his feelings” (but can never pick up the phone to call) and neglects to mention me, my life or his grandchild’s well-being.  Ironically the last sentence of his text message literally set-me-free last night.  It said, and I quote: “no matter where you are family is all ull ever! have”  Wow.  For once, he is right.  Family IS all you’ll ever have.  In fact, this baby in my belly and my husband ARE my family.  And that’s the family I’m starting.  And that’s the family I’m worrying about.  And that’s the family I’m putting useful energy and love into.  Not that petty crap or the nonsense I don’t need.  If someone in our lives (regardless if they are family or not), is not going to be happy for us, or show support to and for us, then we don’t need them in our lives.  It’s like a poisonous relationship.  And quite frankly, I’m a lot happier not answering those 3am phone calls of suicide threats and him bawling like a two-year-old.  And so is my husband.  I could never understand why Bobby got so frustrated after those calls until he recently told me this: “that’s not how a father is supposed to treat his child.  He’s supposed to be the backbone.  He’s supposed to be YOUR rock.  He’s supposed to support YOU, encourage YOU and be there for YOU.  He’s not supposed to be the one that needs reassuring and constant love.  He’s supposed to be a man!  YOU are the child and he owes that to YOU!”

He was right.  And after years of him sitting back and watching it all unravel into this mess, he finally let his voice be heard.  He was tired of watching the pain in my eyes and the hurtfulness of the lack of a father figure.  Sure, I had a friend in my dad, but father figure?  No.  In addition, I was speechless from my dad’s text message yesterday.  I was at work.  Busy.  Taking care of patients and saving lives.  I copied the message and sent it to my supportive husband (which rarely, if ever, speaks bad about anyone, especially my family), who then kindly, as always, reassured me that everything would be okay.

Text From Bobby2I had a good laugh, of course.  But he was right.  And above anyone in my life, the opinion of my husband far outweighs anyone else.  He is smart and educated.  He is the most loving, kind individual I know.  Who wouldn’t even hurt a fly (no, seriously, he catches them and lets them go outside).  So I know I can count on him to be honest, and truthful…and tell me exactly how it is.  I think he’s hurt too.  By the fact that my dad just doesn’t care about his son/daughter on the way.  But rather than get upset, he is honest.  And that’s exactly what I love about him.

8 thoughts on “It’s All Okay

  1. Sooo glad that Tom will be there to help you out while Bobby is away..and Bobby is right..It is all about dad all the time..mom sent me the last text that Dad sent you , and its so repetitive..Its like GET OVER IT ALREADY!!!
    Hope the job is going well, and the pregnancy is going smooth..I cant wait to find out what you’re having..a few more weeks!! Love you both ❤

    1. Tom’s a great Dad. And I just found out that Bobby is gone for THREE weeks, not two. Bummer. But it’s life. Gotta do what you gotta do. Job is good, busy. I love it. Pregnancy is great, just can’t wait to find out what we’re having too! 🙂 soon!

  2. Glad daddy-o is there;) he didn’t tell me he was going. I’m glad you are feeling happy. I know dad will keep you in good company. Love you all and miss you.

  3. What a wonderful blog. Everything you wrote was wonderful and true from the heart. You have a great husband and a beautiful life waiting. Your father is a self absorbed POS who doesn’t know the meaning of unconditional. And who has never had a fatherly bone in his body. Just makes me sad that I can’t be there for the gender party. Mercedes said FaceTime it. I love you and stay the strong woman you are. You are going to make a wonderful mother. Xo

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